why?

As human beings I think we all tend to have a curious nature. From the time we were small we have been asking the question, why? Anyone who spends any amount of time around a small child no doubt has been caught in the never-ending why game to the point of trying your best to get them occupied in something so they'll stop asking you why! One cannot live life without experiencing the deep desire to know why things are the way they are. The year 2001 saw many, many people asking why. Recently I have been struggling with this teeny, tiny question. There are so many things that have happened in the past year of my life (not all of them bad) that I don't understand. I believe that there are no coincidences. I am a child of God, and I know that He cares for me and has orchestrated my life the way that He sees fit. I approach Him with my decisions before they are made, and I make those decisions the way I think He wants me to make them. What do I do, then, when looking back these decisions have seemingly taken me to a place that is wrong or pointless? I have always been able to look back at difficult times in my life and see the reason for it, to realize that I am a better person, or that I am closer to God b/c of it....until recently. I've been talking it through with God quite a bit. Begging Him to just let me know why, so that I can understand. I just want to see the logic of it all. Then it hit me. The "why" game. When you have answered question after question for the child, does he suddenly stop and say, "No, I don't think so. I don't understand your answer." No, a child will accept your answers as fact..why? Because they trust you. They have faith that you are wiser, and therefore will have the answers. At most times, it is a blind faith. I just realized, I don't have that. I realized that while I am going back and forth with God, trying to get him to "justify" what I went through, I am not trusting Him fully. I don't have to understand. I desperately wantto understand, but I don't have to. If I understood everything about God then...He couldn't really be God, could he?

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isa 55:8,9

On another, yet related, note, I am always struggling with a lack of commitment in my time with God. Our pastor said a few things yesterday that struck me...

"When our lives are designed for comfort, they no longer bear the name of The Designer."

"When we take our eyes off Jesus and concentrate on our circumstances, we begin to drown." (speaking from the text where Peter walks on water out to Jesus)

The one that struck me the hardest was a quote that he borrowed from Dale Bruner: "Human extremity is the frequent meeting place with God."

So, I don't know why my life has taken a few detours, I may never know. What I do know, is that my "human extremity" has forced me to engage in quite a few conversations with my God and Creator, and that is enough.

cuddly cat

This is our cat who thinks he's not a cat, but in fact, a person. Seriously, he meows at us like he's actually talking, and he cuddles up to us like a little kid. Most cats are picky, and will cuddle only on their own terms. Not Yahtzee. Yes, that's right, his name is Yahtzee. Yahtzee will let us flop him around as much as we want. He does have a limit, but usually lets us know gently. He is a great pet. We got him as a kitten a month after we got married, so we really don't remember much of a married life without him! =)

workin hard/hardly workin

You know you have an awesome boss when...........she gets you all fake mustaches and doesn't mind, nay, thinks it's funny that you wear them to the sales meeting.

happy when it rains

It has been raining for two days straight...and I couldn't be happier about it. I have always, always, always LOVED the rain. When everyone else was grumpin and complainin about their ruined plans and flattened hair, I was secretly smiling and looking forward to that time I could steal away and walk in it. Several years ago I even wrote a poem about it. Ok, here it is, don't laugh. I know it's a bit corny, but that's ok:

Sometimes I wonder
why people get so sad,
how they can wear such frowns.
When there are so many
good things to be had
so much beauty around.

Some people see the rain
and think it's a curse;
they'd rather see sunshine instead.
They build up a dislike
for rain that they nurse
til any hope of liking it is dead.

Since God rules the sky
and sends us the rain,
why do we sulk in His face?
If we could just see
the beauty of rain,
through it we could sense God's grace.

How beautiful the rain
that falls on my cheek;
soft as the touch of God's hand
because it's not the gray
or dreary I seek,
but a oneness with God in this land.

If people could learn
to see not with eyes
but with heart, soul, and mind,
beauty will be found
in the midst of rainy skies
and a deeper love for God they will find.

So I know it's kind of corny, but it's what I was feeling at the time. Growing up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, PA, there was plenty of yard space to run. I remember one time inparticular when it started pouring down rain. My mom was in the back of the house, so I went out the front. I mean, it was coming down in torrents, and I just soaked it all in. I ran and ran all over the yards and around the house. I just kept running and running, getting soaked to the bone. When I had had my fill of wetness I decided to enter the house at the back, knowing if my mom decided to scold, the deed was already done and well worth her threats of "catching my death" and the familiar shake of the head and the small smile that said, "I need to scold you, but it's really ok."

Another cool thing about growing up on the farm...I could follow my dad everywhere, and there were many times I did just that. I'd follow him as he fed the calves, follow him as he shoveled out stalls, follow him as he ran the conveyors that carried the feed to the cows, and best of all, followed him down into the scary, underground, cement tunnel that connected the barn to the silo. It was always flooded down there with water, and I'm sure some other fluids I'm fine with being ignorant about. Almost every time I followed him down there I could count on my quiet, yet dry-witted father to say, "Water water everywhere, someone lost their underwear!" I would giggle and giggle and think he was the funniest daddy ever, and he would just smile.

I love the rain!

insane in the membrane

After waking up on my own w/o the annoying blare of an alarm clock at 6:30 am, 7:08 am saw me in the parking lot of our local YMCA down the street. All my life, from high school on through college, my sleepy face has never seen the am side of noon on a "no plans" Saturday. Having an early job and getting older seems to be changing all of that....and I actually don't mind!

en route at light #28

This is what I see every day somewhere between 7:15 and 7:25 am. I was hoping for a better shot, but considering I was multi-tasking at the time, not so bad. =) I love the skyline. The picture doesn't really do it justice. When the sun hits just right, it's a pretty cool view. You can see part of LifeWay in the far left of the pic. Not the section I work in, but it's a pretty impressive building.

new hobby

Well, not exactly new. I've always loved to bake. I prefer baking the crazy, calorie-infested desserts to cooking the healthy, good-for-you meals. So recently, like within the past six months or so, I've become slightly more interested in cake decorating. This burger was the first in my branching out from the regular ol' cake in a pan. Unfortunately I cannot claim originality with that.....

.....or this one. I got the ideas from a book called "Birthday Cakes For Kids". It has some really cute cakes in it. I plan on making each one eventually. The frog I made for Josh's nephew Zeke's birthday last April. The burger I just did for fun while Josh and I were living with his parents for a time in March or April.

Ok, don't laugh. This one, like the burger, was also just for fun. I was bored one day. So the cake wasn't as smooth and level after it was iced as it looked before I did all the work. Oh well. It tasted just as good.

Now this is a first for me. I was elected to bake a cake for a small party we threw for our boss yesterday for National Boss Day. I decided, perfect time to try something new I've never done before, right? I must say, it turned out good as far as being smooth and no lumps, however, the design of the top of the cake is a little wanting. I didn't realize before I opened the fondant how quickly it dries out. I was working with four different colors so it became very difficult to keep them from drying out on me. So, I had to slap it on the cake before I really thought out what I was going to do. It says, "WE heart TB". No, not tuberculosis. It's my boss' initials. Anyways, that's my exploration through cake decorating thus far. I plan on taking a class at our Michael's store down the road as soon as they're offering it again.

While the Man's away...

I don't even WANT to know how many calories are in this wonderful, mouth-watering concoction. Josh is working an evening shift tonight, so I saw the opportunity to do/taste some things that I don't normally do/taste when he is around, simply b/c his stomach churns at the thought of it. So here I sit, savoring my gyro (pronounced YEER-o, and make sure you roll the R - there are many different ways people deem necessary to mutilate this word, but this is the pronunciation I've gotten from every Greek I've asked so, humor me, pronounce it my way) while blogging, with the strains of GREASE playing in the background. It was quite a venture to find my gyro. We've lived in Nashville going on five months now, and until tonight my exploring was always accompanied by my other half. So, when I got the craving for a delicious gyro, I knew it was all up to me. I found a Greek sandwich shop online that looked pretty good, googled the directions, and set out. It was just starting to get dark, so I knew searching street numbers was going to be a little difficult. I found where I thought it should be, but the shop was no where around. No worries, I just decided I would head back in the direction of home, keeping my eyes out for something that peaked my fancy. Unfortunately, my entire ride home all I saw were the normal fast food joints. I relented to Subway, and decided on the one just down the road. With my keen sense of direction, I went the wrong way at the intersection next to my apartment complex. As I pulled into the plaza across the street from my house to turn around, I saw this shop with a shining halo over it. It read, "Kebob Gyro". Can you believe it? Right across the street. Anyways, long story short, it's not the best gyro I've had, but definitely in the top three.

So this blogging thing is cool. Although I think it will end up being more for my own entertainment than anything else. I'm sure some meaningful info will make it's way in amongst the meaningless drivel, so do check in from time to time! For now, it's time to hand jive, baby! =)