Battle of the Mind today: See who won

Photo Credit and AWESOME post!!

A stream of thoughts that went through my head on my run this morning at any given time between 5:15 and 5:50 am:

Oh my gosh I've never been this tired.

Yes you have, that's stupid.

Man, I really am tired though.

Just get through this - then go to bed early for once tonight.

Gosh I'm slow.  I'm barely jogging, really.

But you're moving.

Might as well be walking.

Just keep it above a walk.  You can do this.

Seriously though, I might as well be walking.

Don't you dare.

Holy cow I've only done two laps?  I feel like I should be done by now!

Don't look at your phone.  Don't look at your phone. Just run. Don't worry about time today.

Wish I didn't have to carry it.....wait, what is this?.......there's a pocket in these pants for my phone?  GET. OUT!  My pants just got a whole lot cooler.  I have cool pants.

My race is going to kill me on Saturday, I can't believe it's been so long since I've been out here.

Your race will only make you stronger, and prove that you haven't lost as much traction as you thought.

Yeah, but I'm going to DIE.

That's dumb, you will not.

Seriously though, there's hills.  My last races didn't have hills.  I'm doomed.

Worst that will happen is you have to walk some of it.

I don't want to walk some of it.  I want to run the whole thing.

Yeah, but if you *have* to walk..

I'm not walking.

I can do this.  I know I can do this.  I KNOW I can do this!  I'm DOING this!!

The battle of the mind is REAL!  I may have thrown some funny stuff in there because, well, that really is how my mind goes but in all seriousness, I don't think people give enough credit to the strength and power that their mind holds.

One of my favorite quotes that I think I've posted here before is, 

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you are right." -Henry Ford

What we tell ourselves is extremely important.  Make sure it's positive.  Positivity breeds success.  And I think we all would like some of that.  :)

Why a girl called me pregnant and why I didn't punch her in the face

This morning as I was lapping my neighborhood at 5:30 am, the mental war that was waging was even more intense than usual.  I kept thinking about how if I was in this same physical situation ten years ago I would bounce back in no less than a couple weeks.  I'm older now.  My muscles take longer to recover.  I'm bigger.  My body feels different.  My frame of balance is not what it used to be.  And it's hard.  So hard.  Then the defeat started sinking in.  Why not quit?  Not forever, just for today.  Just quit.  Stop running.  Walk back home.  Who cares?  Who freaking cares.

I do.

Because giving in just this once starts a downward spiral that I have sworn to never fall into again.  Because quitting today means a reason to quit tomorrow.

Everyone goes through it.  You start something new, be it a new exercise regimen, a new diet, a new habit, etc.  You start out all fired up and nothing can stop you.  Then hard days start to creep in here and there.  All of a sudden you don't feel so strong or sure of yourself.  You start questioning your reasons for starting in the first place and whether or not it's really that worth it.

Then it hit.  A memory.  One I had pushed aside soon after it happened because I had deemed it unworthy to ponder (and rightly so).  This memory was the final blow.  As I was forcing one foot in front of the other over and over again, I remembered something.

It was my first 5k, almost exactly three months ago.  I was happy.  I was determined.  I was a little nervous.  I was about halfway through the course, huffing and puffing my way along at a much faster speed than I had ever done in my preparation for this race.  I was proud of myself.  I was excited, and yet very close to tears (happy ones) as I thought about what I was doing and what it meant for not only me, but also my family.

There were two girls in front of me, running at a slightly slower pace than I was, so I decided to run around them.  Just as I got to about 2-3 paces ahead, I overheard the one girl tell the other,

"See?  It's when I see someone like that who is pregnant and doing this race that it gives me hope that I won't ever have to quit!"

I looked around.  There were women of all shapes and sizes joining me in this race, but at this particular moment in time (of course) not one single girl around me was higher than a size 5.

It was me.  I was the "pregnant (one) doing this race and giving her hope that she won't ever have to quit".  Awesome.  Glad I could help.

The comment really didn't bother me at the time.  I knew it was true.  I knew to someone that didn't know any better I looked to be about 4-5 months pregnant.  That's part of the reason I was out here.  I wanted to change.  I wanted my pre-baby body back.  So that was it.  I didn't even turn around.  I let it slide right off and hardly blinked an eye.

But that comment didn't go away.  It was filed deep into my brain so that on really hard days when I can barely push on it can come back to haunt me.  Or fuel me.

Today it haunted...AND fueled.

After I was finished feeling sorry for myself I revisited all the reasons why I was doing this in the first place and came to the conclusion that YES, it is most definitely worth it.

There are hard days.  Days where I can barely move faster than a walk.  Days where nothing I wear fits right.  Days where a complete stranger makes wrong assumptions about me.  Days where the pain and hurt force out the joy and triumph.  These hard days, I have found, are absolutely worth it.

Because for all the hard days, there are also good, excellent, AMAZING days!  The days where I blow my own best out of the water.  The days when I can keep up with my kids without stopping to rest.  The days where I feel good about myself and what I am teaching my kids through my own trials and victories.

So to the girl who thought I was pregnant, I thank you.  May you never quit.  May whatever comments that come back to haunt you on your hard days never get the best of you.  May they fuel your fire to keep going, to never give up.

Backpacking To The Library

Since being down to one car, I miss being able to just up and go somewhere with the kids during the day since the Hubs has the car at work.  Today we didn't let it stop us!  Trip to the library!  

One thing is for sure, I was prepared.  I can't believe I forgot to take a picture of the boys in the bike trailer/stroller.  Ice water, bag of books to return, diaper bag with essentials of diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes for the potty training dude.  Daisy rode her scooter, I jogged while pushing the stroller.  It really wasn't that far - just over a mile - but quite a hike for little ones.  One the way back, Daisy wanted to ride so her and Jesse switched out.  We hung the scooter over the stroller and Jesse jogged beside me.  When he got tired about 1/4 of the way from home, I put him on my shoulders and pushed the stroller.  If only the paparazzi had come along just then.  They're always just missing me, it seems.

Daisy was such a trooper!  We walked into the library, hot, sweaty, and red as beets.  I'm sure we were a sight.  People just smiled.  We freshened up in the bathroom and fully enjoyed our library play time. 

Our library has an awesome kids section.  Not only great books but also toddler appropriate computer games as well as oodles of learning toys.  My kids could stay busy there for several hours.  Unfortunately we only had about 30 minutes before we had to head back so we could get lunch and get into nap time.

Okay, let me just be a proud Momma and brag for a minute.  Jesse is currently potty training and has been doing so good.  Today was his first time "out" without a pull up.  Completely dry the whole time.  AND he jogged almost the whole way back home.  He just might be my athlete.  

Now nap time!  Kid tip #354: If you want kids to take a good nap, drag them around town for a couple miles in the hot sun.  Works every time.

I Am Robot

As we go into the weekend, let's make a conscious effort to forget all about work and spend time with our families!  If you own or run a business, you know how hard and sometimes impossible it is to quit working on the weekend.  This coming from the wife of a man who will be holed up in the basement all weekend working towards his cd release in a few days...I am so thankful for a husband who, even in the midst of a hectic schedule, still finds time to spend with his family.  Even if it's just a 5 minute tickle fest on a break from the studio.

And if you are a Mom who also works (in OR out of the home), you know how difficult it can be sometimes to find that balance.

I love that my kids always remind me in their own special way the importance of spending time together, of just being silly together.  What would I do without them?  My life would probably be a little neater, a little more together, a little more organized and much less crazy and hectic.  But since you can't have one without the other, I don't want the neat, the organized, and the calm.  Bring on the crazy, because at the end of the day, it's all worth it.  So completely and totally worth it.

Praising Him In The Storm

Yesterday was a hard day. My family is going through a pretty tough time right now. And when you're going through a valley, it makes all the day to day "tough stuff" that much tougher. The baby had a fever, didn't want to be put down, and didn't nap very well. The four year old asserted her stubborn side, and the two year old was, well, two. 

Through the tears, the frustration, the anxiety, and the hopelessness, one thing kept coming back into my mind. I went to the Psalms to find some comfort and there it was again. I wasn't looking to any particular Psalm, I just opened my Bible there and started reading. David seemed to be as low as anyone could get. I read his cry out to God for several verses, then there it was... 

But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

At the end of the day, David still praised God, because he recognized that even though he was a step above dead, he still had things to be thankful for.

All day yesterday, through all of this, a song kept popping into my mind. One line, over and over. I pulled it up on YouTube to hear all the words. It's a good one. Take a listen. :)