why?

As human beings I think we all tend to have a curious nature. From the time we were small we have been asking the question, why? Anyone who spends any amount of time around a small child no doubt has been caught in the never-ending why game to the point of trying your best to get them occupied in something so they'll stop asking you why! One cannot live life without experiencing the deep desire to know why things are the way they are. The year 2001 saw many, many people asking why. Recently I have been struggling with this teeny, tiny question. There are so many things that have happened in the past year of my life (not all of them bad) that I don't understand. I believe that there are no coincidences. I am a child of God, and I know that He cares for me and has orchestrated my life the way that He sees fit. I approach Him with my decisions before they are made, and I make those decisions the way I think He wants me to make them. What do I do, then, when looking back these decisions have seemingly taken me to a place that is wrong or pointless? I have always been able to look back at difficult times in my life and see the reason for it, to realize that I am a better person, or that I am closer to God b/c of it....until recently. I've been talking it through with God quite a bit. Begging Him to just let me know why, so that I can understand. I just want to see the logic of it all. Then it hit me. The "why" game. When you have answered question after question for the child, does he suddenly stop and say, "No, I don't think so. I don't understand your answer." No, a child will accept your answers as fact..why? Because they trust you. They have faith that you are wiser, and therefore will have the answers. At most times, it is a blind faith. I just realized, I don't have that. I realized that while I am going back and forth with God, trying to get him to "justify" what I went through, I am not trusting Him fully. I don't have to understand. I desperately wantto understand, but I don't have to. If I understood everything about God then...He couldn't really be God, could he?

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isa 55:8,9

On another, yet related, note, I am always struggling with a lack of commitment in my time with God. Our pastor said a few things yesterday that struck me...

"When our lives are designed for comfort, they no longer bear the name of The Designer."

"When we take our eyes off Jesus and concentrate on our circumstances, we begin to drown." (speaking from the text where Peter walks on water out to Jesus)

The one that struck me the hardest was a quote that he borrowed from Dale Bruner: "Human extremity is the frequent meeting place with God."

So, I don't know why my life has taken a few detours, I may never know. What I do know, is that my "human extremity" has forced me to engage in quite a few conversations with my God and Creator, and that is enough.